I Kissed an Earl: The Video

My nephew and I couldn’t just leave well enough alone with the parody lyrics we’ve been working on.  So, we recruited our friend, Harfax to record a few of them.  He is “talented” and has been “involved” in music for many years now.  The first video is done.  Also, thanks to Dead Charming for not only tolerating the song but promoting it!  Click on the video at your own risk!

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What Does Your Music Say About You and Do You Care?

An iPod/mp3 survey/meme:

This week, I posted my parody lyrics for the song I Kissed a Girl called I Kissed an Earl at the risk of making people who are humor-challenged think I had kissed a man. While I have no beef with anyone (male or female) who does want to do this, I had no intention of misleading anyone into thinking that I do.

This lead to a series of thoughts about the music we like, the many varied reasons we like the music we do, and the perceptions someone else might have about the songs we choose. I did a quick survey of my mp3 player and wondered what a first time co-worker or acquaintance riding in my car would think of me depending which song on shuffle play came up first. If one were to judge me by the music I’ve put on there, I could be thought of as cool, sappy, tough, stuck in the 80s, a metal head, a nerd, a wussy or an intellectual lover of the classics (you know, like Mozart or Def Leppard). It’s a bit daunting to realize we are all a slave to the shuffle play (unless you don’t use your shuffle) when it comes to that first musical impression. So, it’s fun music survey time. Feel free to use this, and I hope others will play along nicely (or not so nicely depending on what is warranted by a particular question).

If someone new were in your car, what song on your player would you be quickest to skip out of embarrassment: While I think I have more than one song that fits this question, I think I would be quickest to skip past Windy by The Association. It’s a terribly wussified 60s love song that really should only be played if trying to seduce a female hippy (is that hippie?). Why do I have it? The “cool” answer is to say that I have it because, as a young child, I sort of inherited an old 45 record of this song from an older sibling when they moved out of the house and left it behind (probably because they were absolutely over the song). This is partly the truth, but sadly enough, I also SORT OF like the song if I’m in one of those moods. By one of those moods, I mean a running through a breezy field with a beautiful blue sky above mood. Wow, I just read that sentence and realized I must delete that song freaking immediately.

What song or songs is/are most “atypical” on your player? This has to go to Abba’s Take a Chance on Me. (Yes, I know, based on my previous answer, you’re thinking, “That’s not atypical at all for this pansy.” But, I promise, it really is.) I put this on after the brilliant use of it in “The Office” when Andy tried to woo Angela by harmonizing to the song with a friend who was on the phone. Loreena McKennitt’s The Mummer’s Dance is a close second.

What song(s) on your player turns you on? I’m going with I Want You to Want Me by Cheap Trick, probably just because of it seeming like a good “make-out” song from the past. I think Alicia Keys sounds hot on No One as does Shakira on Whenever, Wherever (probably simply because she’s Shakira). Also, since I’m actually more a rock guy than anything else, I’ll say Gasoline by Seether (that’s not really a recommendation if you’re in more of a romantic mood, but I love the sound of the song).

If you wanted to get a member of the opposite sex in the mood, what song would you program to come on when they are in the car? Easy. Ain’t that Loving You? by Lou Rawls. Very smooth (him, not me).

What is the longest song on your player? I think it’s Blackbird by Alter Bridge. I wrote more about it here.

What do you think is the silliest song on your player? Jive Talkin’ by the Bee Gees

What did you most recently add to your player? Several Katy Perry songs

What did you most recently delete? Already covered this: Windy

What is your favorite song on your player that is from a movie? Dream Warriors by Dokken (from A Nightmare on Elm Street 3) but also a couple of the instrumental songs from the miniseries John Adams by Rob Lane and Joseph Vitarelli. The songs are patriotic in nature and in the classical style. If you’re a fan of big, sweeping cinematic music, check it out.

Is there a song on your player that is only there for someone else’s benefit? I have a few for when my wife is in the car (like Jason Mraz). Also, my three year old daughter is a huge fan of a song called Spell by Marie Digby so I’ll have to leave that on there.

What song or artist do you find yourself skipping most frequently and therefore should probably delete? I think I keep skipping Billy Idol lately.

Without cheating, start your player and list the first 10 songs that come up in random play.

Fake It – Seether

The Secret of Life – Faith Hill

Nights in White Satin – Moody Blues

The Interview – AFI

Here We Are – Breaking Benjamin

Take Me Away – Avril Lavigne

Lovin’ Every Minute of It – Loverboy

Wanted Dead or Alive – Bon Jovi

Takin’ Care of Business – Bachman Turner Overdrive

SupaSaturation – Dizzy X

Let’s hear your answers! Don’t be shy. Add a question or two to your survey!

“I Kissed an Earl”

Like many people, I’ve heard the song I Kissed a Girl, and I’ve seen the NBC show My Name is Earl. Like any normal person, I decided the two should be combined. So I did it – not necessarily well – but I did it.

The following lyrics should be sung to the tune of I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry, Lukasz Gottwald, Max Martin and Cathy Dennis. I apologize in advance to these writers for butchering your chart-topping song.

Please don’t steal this parody, unless you happen to be Weird Al Yankovic. If you are Weird Al, I’m a big fan and would greatly appreciate you using this song and helping me make millions (or even 10 bucks would be sweet).

For the record, I personally do not remember ever kissing anyone named Earl (male, female or hermaphrodite), although it’s not beyond reason I may have been given a peck on the cheek as an infant by my Uncle Earl.

Anyway, here are the lyrics to I Kissed an Earl:

There is this cool show on TV

It’s really funny

One actress is super hot to me

She’s Jaime Pressly

Won a trip to

The closed set

Just wanted to check her out

It’s not Ms. Pressly I met

Ended up getting thrown out

——————

I kissed an Earl and I liked it

Even though it made me feel sick

I kissed an Earl just to try it

I hope my wife doesn’t like it

It felt so weird

It felt so dumb

I think my lips went all numb

I kissed an Earl and I liked it

I liked it

——————

No I would not repeat this act

Pretend it didn’t happen

Forget he smelled of vanilla extract

Lips are still chappin’

It’s not what

Straight guys do

Not supposed to smooch Jason Lee

And guys don’t

Use the word “smooch”

What’s happened to me!?

——————-

I kissed an Earl and I liked it

Should have been Jaime’s red lips

I kissed an Earl just to try it

Can we just call it a slip?

It felt so off

It felt so strange

Don’t mean I’m totally deranged

I kissed an Earl and I liked it

I liked it.

——————

Us guys we are such homophobes

Football, fast cars, and huge ski slopes

We like when two chicks kiss and stroke

But different – with two dudes

I guess because they don’t have boobies

———————

I kissed an Earl and I liked it

But the world says I must quit

I kissed an Earl just to try it

Put that in your pan and fry it

It felt so wrong

Maybe I’m nuts

Probably shouldn’t have squeezed Earl’s butt

I kissed an Earl and I liked it

I liked it

2008 Rickety Inflictor Productions

Worst Photo Blog Ever

I’m feeling inspired to post a photo blog. I thoroughly enjoyed my wife’s pictorial post documenting her weekly bicycle rides. (Truth be told, she is gone so long that I asked her to take pictures to prove that’s what she is really doing. When your wife is as beautiful as she is, you really have to keep tabs.) Editor’s note: If you are the type of person who took that last sentence seriously and plans to leave a comment about how awful controlling husbands are, you are visiting the wrong blog.

I also enjoyed my friend Nathalie’s recent post where she attempted to heal me through the power of Hooters’ girls. While I’m sure no post of mine can “stack” up to that one, I wanted to post one anyway.

There are two main obstacles to posting such a blog.

1. I don’t really take very many pictures.

2. The pictures I do take usually suck.

I found two ways around these problems.

1. I decided to post a photo blog that could possibly be the worst photo blog ever posted and one that surely no one will find interesting. (Wow, that should get me on the wordpress front page.) By setting such a low standard, I can finally feel free to put a photo blog here.

2. I decided that I would only post pictures taken by my 3-year-old daughter. By using her as a blatant scapegoat, I can easily deflect any negative comments by assuring myself, “They aren’t criticizing me; they are criticizing my daughter.”

So, the imp, as my wife calls her, spent an afternoon taking pictures of whatever she pleased while lugging around an out-dated digital camera. (You know I’m getting old when it seems funny to put “out-dated” next to “digital” in a sentence. I’m just getting past the Polaroid stage. Those old Polaroids were fun to shake, ala Outkast, even though they said you didn’t need to do that. )

At long last and at the risk of losing any readers I might have once garnered, here are the pics.

Dog’s Eye View

She wanted to capture what the dog sees. Pretty clever that she blurred it a bit to reflect the fact that our dog is up there in years and surely doesn’t see as well anymore.

Starving for Nutrients

I believe she wanted to make a statement about the poor diets of children in this country. This grotesque close-up of chicken nuggets says it all.

What Matters Most

I was touched when at first I thought she was taking a picture of our family pictures. Then I realized, she was taking a picture of something far dearer to her heart…the t.v. remote control.

My Way

I’ve tried and tried to convince her that she cannot run very fast wearing rain boots. She still insists on playing baseball in them and documents her stubborn ways here with bat and boots plainly visible. Or perhaps I misinterpret. This could be a representation of the sadness one feels when a baseball game is delayed by rain. Hmm…very deep.

The Cookie Crumbles

When asked to photograph her three favorite things (not counting the remote), I was hoping she would pick me, Mom and the dog. However, she chose a sippy cup, a mysterious sack and the cookie jar. Note her use of finger blockage to add an ominous feel to the photo.

Steaming Mad at Dirt

She used this opportunity to find grime and grease that is so much more noticeable from a child’s height. She is obviously disgusted by her surroundings.

Fit of Rage

She spent hours setting up this particular shot, meant to portray her feelings when given a time out for screaming at her parents.

Contrast

Since she is not throwing fits 100% of the time, she thought it best to also document the lighter moments with her toys and her toe.

Oh, the Ear-rony

She just loves irony. How fitting to photograph the word ear when one sees rather than hears a photograph. Wow, that just blew my mind.

Work Stoppage Atrocity

Just when a kid gets on a roll, a parent comes to steal the camera.

These photos are copyrighted by Bad Blog Inc. and may not be used without the express written consent of someone semi-important. This is done for no particular reason since no one would want to re-publish any of these photos in any capacity.

A Swell(ing) Journey Part X: Good Place, Bad Roommate, “Bad” Results

I traveled to Barnes Jewish Hospital in St. Louis this week for an overnight stay and a test called a venogram. The hospital is renowned, and some doctors there thought it was possible that my mystery swelling could be explained like this: My old kidneys (I had a transplant and received a “new” one in 2003) may be constricting the flow in the vena cava. If so, my old kidneys could be removed to fix the problem).

The hospital is nice, and most of the staff was great! I’m very impressed with the doctors there.

Despite this, it wasn’t all good there. For one, I had to sign a consent the night before the test, of course. At that time (and I know they have to do this), they scared the %#&@ out of me by telling me everything that could possibly go wrong during the test, including massive internal bleeding, punctured lungs and emergency breathing tubes being put down my throat. I signed the consent, hoping that I wouldn’t be one of the unlucky few who actually have these things happen.

The first night, the person I shared the room with was great. He was to have a transplant the next morning, and despite his understandable nervousness, he and his family were pleasant. (Sure, they had to come in and check things on him all night, which meant very little sleep, but overall he was a good roommate).

The morning arrived, and I went down for the test. I had to wait quite a while in that department, but the people were cool. One staff member saw my book about one of my heroes and a second father figure, the late Jack Buck (long time St Louis Cardinal announcer and the type of human you want walking around on this earth). He talked about how much he loved Jack Buck as well and told a story about the time Mr. Buck had the exact same procedure done at exactly the same place I was to have it. That, along with the fact that he told me it was really a pretty safe procedure, made me feel much better. He also talked about the “entertaining” aspect of the busy department, which I experienced later when the older woman next to me kept arguing with staff, saying she wanted to talk to her son and doctor, and kept declaring she was NOT going to have anything done to her. (The staff was very good with her, by the way).

My turn finally arrived, and they gave me something to help me relax. Then they put a needle and catheter into the artery right by neck. Yes, this was a little scary and a little (though not too much) uncomfortable. The bad news arrived quickly: The test was normal, and this was “bad” news even though you usually would want tests to be “normal” because it meant that it did NOT explain the swelling I’ve had for 6 months. Back to the drawing board and the waiting game. The short story is that the next step is to wait a couple more months to see if being off of Rapamune ends up helping. It has not yet helped after 4 months of being off of it, but I understand that it could take longer. Some of the doctors still think this could be it, but others are starting to seriously doubt it based on my particular circumstances. They may start looking at problems with the lymphatic system (again, possibly caused by my old kidneys) if things don’t improve in the future. However, testing for this is apparently not as clear-cut.

So, I went back to my room feeling down that we still had not solved the mystery. I had to stay until the evening time so that I could get protective treatment due to the fact that they used dye and this can be bad for kidney transplant patients. As I returned to my room, I found out that I had a new roommate (the other was certainly moved to a private room following his transplant). The new roommate and his family had the appearance and behaviors of (and I hate to be this judgmental, but it’s true), pure white trash. The patient, who was unbelievably skinny and apparently had quite a few medical conditions, continually complained about wanting pain meds (even though he never SOUNDED as though he was in much pain, especially when no staff member was present). The doctors explained several times why he could not have them until some other things were fixed, but he basically didn’t listen to them. He also was instructed to eat nothing but ate several things, including fried chicken and candy bars provided by his extremely enabling mother, who complained frequently about doctors and nurses. The roommate also lied to staff a few times, saying he had urinated and forgotten to collect it in the provided urinal, when in fact he had not urinated at all unless he was peeing in his bed. This was significant because he refused doctor’s orders to be catheterized. The family also questioned whether or not men who wanted to be nurses are “fags” and watched annoying tv shows loudly. (Yes, I complained about this, and it was corrected. Yes, I considered telling someone about the guy lying and eating stuff he wasn’t supposed to be eating, but I decided that the staff was pretty sure what type of guy they were dealing with.)

As you can imagine, I was extremely happy to finally get out of there when I was discharged around 7 p.m.

So, it was a good place, but the 2nd roommate and the test results were a bummer. More when I have new news.