A Swell(ing) Journey Part VI

11 04 2008

Never has finding out parts of your body are functioning normally been so depressing. The latest labs are back, and, you guessed it, they are normal. Normal thyroid. Normal blood markers that could have otherwise pointed to vasculitis. Normal kidney. Normal liver. Normal heart. Normal lungs, blah, blah, blah.

If nothing else, I’m finding out that I’m very healthy. Oh yeah, except for this freakish swelling that is keeping me from being able to live normally.

Okay, enough with the whining. I’m not sure what’s next. I’m starting to hear my late mom’s voice in my head. “Phooey on the doctors. If it was me, I’d just ignore the swelling and go back to doing what I want to do.” She would have, too. I’m thinking I’m getting nearer and nearer that point. Of course, I’ll need some different-sized shoes, pants, etc. I need to surf the net. Maybe there is a hip store called Swellwear. I’m hoping they have stuff that will make you look cool, even when you have one leg and foot that is 3 times the size of the other and an abdomen that is puffed up like milk-soaked Corn Pops. Maybe if I can’t get back to work soon, I can design this type of clothing for a living. The motto for my website will be: Go to Swell. Paris Hilton might be interested in funding it.

I’m sure my wife is starting to get concerned about my inability to return to work. This is not the type of free-loading I had in mind when I married a soon-to-be a CPA. I pictured a lot of tennis rather than cool-water bath soaks and support hose on my leg. And who wants to stay home all day if you might not be able to afford cable, internet, and salsa-flavored Sun Chips? (It’s not really quite to that point yet…for those of you who might worry.) Maybe this not working thing is not all it’s cracked up to be.

In all seriousness, though, I have been blessed with some extra time with my two-year-old (who just tried to physically remove me from the computer because she would appreciate some “chocolate in the milk” she is holding). It is nice not to have to stress about getting her to daycare and then myself to work on time. I’ve been able to read books to her, wonder in the mystery that is the kids’ tv show called Yo Gabba Gabba, and play hide and seek. My only complaint about this? It’s very difficult to find a hiding place that will conceal my damn foot.

Yo Gabba Gabba. (My abdomen looks similar to the pink character’s.)

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11 responses

11 04 2008
Sherri Cornelius

Yo Gabba Gabba scares me. I let my daughter watch it, but I will not look at the tv while it’s on. Scares. Me.

You’d probably find a lot of PMSing women willing to buy a version of swellwear. I think the market for such clothing is endless.

11 04 2008
morethananelectrician

Very glad to hear you are “healthy”, but not as plaesed that you don’t know what is going on. This is a process I am sure you are too familiar with.

The advantage of spending some time with your child is an added benefit.

Those characters scare me…like a nightmare. I resemble the red-lumpy-cyclops with bad teeth.

11 04 2008
Catie

Don’t you love how doctors look at you, look down at the clipboard containing your good test results, and then look back at you as if your obvious physical discomfort is YOUR FAULT. At least, that’s what happened to me. Not that I’m bitter.

11 04 2008
Tim

You definitely touched on something important when you mentioned additional time with your child. Years ago, my older brother (father of three now-adult young men) said, “Tim, odds are, we won’t sit around in the nursing home wishing we’d spent more time at the office, and less with our kids… ya know?”

He was absolutely right. Good recognition on your part, of what’s really important, even in the midst of incredible frustration. – Tim

12 04 2008
Noscere

Yo Gabba Gabba, my three year old watches this. I have tried to watch it and mabe because of my age or something else I do not understand this program at all, it is even more scary than the Telly Tubbies. The one good thing about it is I now know what Frodo is doing.

12 04 2008
Taoist Biker

That is beyond strange that they still can’t figure out what’s causing your swelling. I can’t imagine how confusing and disconcerting it must be. I hope you can get out of that limbo some way or another, very soon.

And as for the kids’ shows, I’m glad my son is older than that now. If all I have to suffer through is Spongebob, I’ll take it.

12 04 2008
Maggie, dammit

Wow. Swellwear, Go to Swell…. you have your humor still, and that’s no small thing. I can’t imagine what you are going through and I can’t understand why they can’t figure it out, but dammit this post somehow made me laugh and that’s just crazy considering the circumstances. SO. Sending good juju your way, but mostly complimenting your soul. Enjoy that godawful TV show.

12 04 2008
Sarah

Yo Gabba Gabba is scary, I would put it on my list of scary things (after clowns). The swelling and it’s mystery cause sucks, but the silver lining is getting to spend that time with your daughter. I do hope things get better for you soon, but don’t discount that Swellwear idea when you are better.

12 04 2008
Stacey

Kids shows get creepier and creepier.

14 04 2008
Person (aka Mommy)

I am not ashamed to say that I watch Yo Gabba Gabba and enjoy it. I know all the songs-and we sing them too.

Sorry that there’s a party in your tummy and it’s not so yummy. I hope they figure out what’s going on soon 🙂

14 04 2008
Paperspoons

Yay! I’m glad things are still looking good, minus that swelling. Sorry to Allison that you are being such a mooch! 🙂

Yo Gabba Gabba ia totally weird. My kid loves it. Ha.

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