I Must Be Doing Something Wrong: Hot Moms in Showers, and Demons Among Us

31 01 2008

I enjoy reading blogs about the weird search terms that have lead people to the pages of others. So, here is my own installment. It’s not pretty, and it makes me think I’m not writing about good, wholesome topics. Will I be sorry when my blog is pulled up on my judgment day? Yikes. Maybe I need more blogs that I can tag as religion.

I say this because people are NOT finding my page by searching for the following tags:

“Jesus Loves Me”

“Trying to be a good Dad”

“Work Hard and Be a Nice Person”

Let’s just say I seem to be attracting a different sort of searcher. In the past month, the following internet searches have somehow brought poor souls to my page:

“Banging ex-girlfriends in 2008” – Why 2008? Is it the official year of boning exes on the Chinese Calender?

“Wolf face” – Ever since I wrote about my experience with a wolf spider, this one has come up several times. Sorry for those of you looking for info on the wolf man. A spider is not quite as exciting. (Makes me think I should make up a blog about how I was lost in the mountains for days until being saved by a guy who was half-wolf…I’ll have to think about that one. Wait, I’ll make it a she-wolf; that should also satisfy some of those who search for things like the next one.)

“Nasty sick mudbath sex video” – To my knowledge, I have no (public) blogs about mudbaths or sex videos, but I’m sure glad you stopped by.

“Giant wieners” – I’m flattered.

“Demons among people” – If I start to get comments from someone named Beelzebub, Brimstone Mommy or Hades Dude, I think I should delete them (unless they are one of my top referrers, of course.)

“My Dad saw me naked – I’m a girl!” – Poor thing. I’m afraid my writing would only further traumatize you.

“What female age groups still wear pantyhose?” – I don’t know, but I’d be fascinated to hear the stats.

“How women should ride on top” – I’m thinking if the person has to search for instructions, they aren’t ready for this type of thing yet.

“Hot Moms being spied on in the shower” – Are you talking about my wife? Must go check bathroom ceiling for spy cams. That last plumber was in there a long time…

To ensure that I continue to get weird searchers to my page, I’m going to add some odd phrases now. Lathered Llamas, intoxicated in a cab and craving donuts, how many people would fit in the average crane, why doesn’t the sun explode already, I have extra fingers, can I buy people on the internet, disturbing video of naked crazy animals, using lettuce as a hat. And lastly, to my loyal wolf face searchers, here you go:

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18 responses

31 01 2008
allison312

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! 😀

Sorry…no clever remarks today…just hysterical laughter.

31 01 2008
betme

A couple of my friends like to slip words on my very G rated blog (not the one in my link) such as sleezy, gay, wicked, and granny panties. All with the purpose of having slightly off center people dropping in.

The words are hidden in innocent sentences… A fun game to play when you have time. One search that caught me off guard was, “My hot mom in her panties”

Actually, it creeped me out to think about my sons seeing me in my panties.

31 01 2008
Desiree

Interesting concept… I’ll have to start reading those Search Engine Terms on my blog stats page to see what strange manner of words people are using that lead to me!

31 01 2008
Catie

I wrote about this very same thing earlier this week. I don’t think my terms are as interesting as yours, however. 🙂

1 02 2008
Allison

What did you discover about the spy-cam-in-the-shower situation?

1 02 2008
kimiam

Hilarious!

3 02 2008
Em

The most recent search that brought someone to my blog: “totally crap future porn stars.”

4 02 2008
indianamatt

Allison, there was only the one that I installed so we’re all right.
Everybody, keep those crazy search terms coming!

7 02 2008
indianamatt

I had to make an addition here. Today, I had the cutest internet search term that I’ve seen so far. It was, “I’m 12. What to give my crush on Valentine’s Day.”
That’s pretty adorable. Hopefully the poor kid didn’t read my blogs.

8 02 2008
M. Wade Nichols

I’m still getting visitors from links posted in 2003. I hosted a Flash file called “Bang Bang Bang” and get traffic all the time for it. I don’t get the strange search terms like I use to, but here are a few recent ones.

needy newfy
history of matrimonials
panic attack tongue hurt
characteristics of of aging

10 02 2008
Jenny

This is so funny! I didn’t realize you could track what keywords people use to find your blog. Do you pay for that, or is there a free link somewhere? I want to get it up on mine.

11 02 2008
betme

Today I found this gem in my search engine:

“licking the windows on the short bus” 😀

18 02 2008
duffboy

Perhaps a more frequent pain that we know of, one of the weird ones for today: “rough toilet paper”.

13 04 2008
Tim

It’s good to know I’m not the only one.

Some time back, I wrote a post about the cartoon show “Pinky and the Brain” being geared toward adults more than children. I’ve since started getting all kinds of hits from people searching for “Adult Cartoons.” When almost 800 people searched for that term, but instead found the eulogy for my mother-in-law, or my list of facts about “Ed Hoculi” (muscular NFL ref), I’m pretty sure they were disappointed.

Strangely though, the most frequent search combo to hit my blog is “cartoon turkey.” People have searched for that term, and found my blog, almost 7000 times.

Somehow, I can’t help but feel that this is a commentary on my blog, or on my writing. – Tim

14 04 2008
How You Doin Blondie

HILARIOUS! And I thought I had it rough with the overwhelming majority of the queries that return my blog consisting of some kind of combination of the words “gay” “balls” and “touch”. I surrender my crown, oh valiant knight. 🙂

10 07 2008
Skep

How wonderful!!

I’m sure the wolf face fan club will appreciate your help 🙂

28 06 2009
milf

milfs are the best

6 02 2010
redriverpak

Years ago I posted about how someone should invent a huge hamster ball that humans could roll around the house in (a joke)…and sure enough on the search engine terms the next day….about 3 people came in after searching under “sex with hamsters”.

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