The following is a true story. I wish it were not, and I am risking my very manhood making it public, but it is true. When we moved into our house, we discovered it to be the shelter for a plethora of spiders. I believe this to be the result of two main factors: 1. It was a relatively new neighborhood and had previously been a field. 2. Our particular house was only about a year old when we bought it and had been vacant for a month or so due to the previous owner having to move for her job.
Many a spider had been enjoying the human-free environment, and when we moved in, it became a daily occurrence to have a standoff with one of the eight-leggers. Let me make this clear: I do not like seeing, hearing about, reading about, or having nightmares about spiders. I realize they do good things for us, such as kill unwanted pests, but I prefer they do that just outside of the house or in the crawlspace. Having said this, the majority of the spiders we came across were small and looked pretty harmless. Yeah, “most” but not “all.”
For those of you who are not aware of the wolf spider, think tarantula but smaller (not THAT much smaller, though). We had the misfortune of finding a couple of these suckers in our house the first couple of months. The story below is about the dark, early morning that we had our closest call with one of these things. (I’ll say this right now. I’m the type of person that does not really like to kill things, even flies, but…sorry PETA…I’m not letting large spiders run around in our house, nor am I likely to be able to stand trapping it and putting it outside).
My wife likes to work out. She does not often miss a day, not even on a holiday, not even when she has to get up in the extreme a.m. during the overtime hours of tax season (she’s an accountant). One dark, early morning, as I no doubt lay snoozing in bed, possibly having a dream that involved a deserted island and that main woman from Lost, I was startled awake by a frantic wife jumping into bed and yelling something about a big hairy spider on the floor of the closet. Upon gaining full comprehension, I learned that it was a wolf spider “the size of Texas” and that it was actually on top of her workout shirt, which was on the floor.
At this point, I’m thinking to myself, “That’s it. We have to move away. NOW.” It soon became clear that my beautiful wife expected me to do something about the spider. Subsequently, it became clear to her that I had no intention of going anywhere near our closet in the next 24 hours or so.
If you are a guy, or you know any guy, you’ll understand how brilliant her next move was. She calmly stated, “I can call my dad to come over and get it.” It took only seconds for the following thoughts to enter my mind: For the rest of my life, I’ll have to hear the story of how my wife had to wake her dad at 5 a.m. to come kill a spider while her husband hid under the covers. This is the dad who works a real man’s job and hunts. I’m the husband who likes to write and works in psychology. (I do play sports…I felt a real need to throw that in here).
At this point, I had no choice. I was going to have to face one of my worst fears. I slowly got up out of bed and peeked into the closet. There it was. It was big; it was gross; it was staring at me in a mocking fashion, it was basically saying, “I’m huge, and you’re a loser.” My pulse quickened, and I began to sweat. I started thinking maybe we SHOULD call her dad. Maybe we could just avoid all extended family functions in the future. No, that wouldn’t work. I knew I had to take care of the situation. With my wife clutching my back and looking over my shoulder, I picked up a shoe. I was suddenly wishing I had much bigger feet, maybe a size 50, but alas, I was stuck with a size 10. I approached the spider about as fast as a turtle approaches a rock. I walked (or was it that my wife pushed me) closer and closer. I was within a couple feet of the thing when my wife felt it prudent to scream, “It’s a wolf spider. They jump!” Adrenaline pumping, we both flew out of the closet. I nearly broke my arm on the doorway, but I didn’t care. I was sure the spider could do much worse things than that to me. Her screaming, and our running also caused the spider to take cover in the deep recesses of the closet. Once we regained the nerve to go back in, we were deeply saddened to learn that we were going to have to search for the spider.
After some tense shoe box moving, we finally found it in a corner. The whole “jumping” thing had thoroughly freaked me out, and I was no longer willing to go at the thing with a shoe. I was now armed with the extension arm of the vacuum cleaner. This way, I only had to get within a couple feet of the monster. I also was happy to avoid hearing any form of crunching sound that may have occurred if I used the shoe method. With a shaky hand, I turned on the vacuum and jabbed the extension arm toward the creature. After we sucked the thing up, (I think my wife screamed again at this point), we actually put the whole vacuum cleaner out in the garage, fearing that the thing might escape somehow. I believe it was out there for three days before I brought it back in.
So far, we have had no further (knock on wood) close encounters of the giant spider kind. I apologize in advance, but below is a picture link of one of these guys on top of someone’s hands, someone who is obviously very mentally ill.
Licensed to Blog 
Ugh. Glad you were okay. I don’t mind stepping on a spider as much as I mind mice. I initiate all out war against mice.
Hilarious post. I’ll have to remember the tip about the vacumn cleaner.
I am trying to see where this spider is. I hate spiders in the first place,but wolf’s creep me out. If anyone can see this ,can you point it out me please.
I once had a similar encounter with a spider and thought I would suck it up with the vacuum. I then quickly decided I didn’t like that idea very much because there was a possibility it could live through that. It was in the bathtub, so I decided I would try to force it down to drain. After successfully doing so, I let water run as hot as it would go, until there was no hot water left, as to ensure it was fully cooked and washed away. Spider stories are always great after the fact.
Michelle: Nice work.
Alyson: All out war? I need to hear more about that!
[…] my husband.) He never throws phones or leaves salsa on the floor. As an added bonus, he even handles the occasional spider situation. […]
She played the dad card? Evil, but effective!
I’ve always been a big fan of spiders, but I do move them outside whenever I find them in the house. Snakes are my downfall. *shudder*
ACKKKK! Photo! I couldn’t tell you a damn thing about the post because I was under the desk when I saw that.
I shall have to share some of my spider stories on my blog one day. WITH NO PICTURES!
Em, yeah, sorry about the pic. Allison insisted it needed it. I’ve hardly been able to view my own blog because of it.
Jeremy: She’d have to call her dad if there was a snake. I’d be out the door.
Em, you’re safe now. I changed it to a link to a picture. I couldn’t take it anymore.
EW!!!!
Priceless! Loved the reaction!!!
I don’t consider myself “girlie” (although I live in high heels and I do wear pink sometimes) but you’ve never heard a scream until you get me near a spider. Despite this fear, I would often leaf through “The big picture book of spiders” during my lunch break when I subbed at elementary schools. I was so freaked out that I couldn’t finish my lunch.
I would have dialed the number and handed her the phone! 😛
I am arachnophobic myself. I was even bitten by my mothers dog once after jumping up from the sofa and screaming. He jumped up right along with me and bit me in the face. But, I didn’t care, I had to get that damn spider off of me! I hate spiders! Hate them! Ugh! Sucks living sans partner in an old house too. I don’t see many but when I do the panic sets in!
P.S. I hate the crunch sound too! Ick!
Paperspoons: That sound is one of the worst. The sound of a car accident with crunching cars leaves a pit in my stomach as well. You know what would be bad? A car accident when there were several large spiders on the car’s front bumper! I’m glad your face has healed.
Pammy: Not much could deter me from my lunch, but that big book just might. I bet subbing was an interesting experience. When I get kids out of class that has a sub in it, often the sub looks a little dazed. I’m sure you handled it with flying colors, though!
The mice war just involves LOTS of traps, and special treats for the kitty if she kills one.
I need a cat that specifically hunts spiders.
Ewwww. Had a similar encounter with a (relatively) small tarantula in Oklahoma. I woke my husband up insisting there was a tarantula on the floor . . . he said, “Yeah, right.” Guess what? It was a tarantula! Disposal method: one can of ant spray and a tennis racket.
awesome story, you are a terrific writer. That would be scary to see that. lol Same encounter once bye
P.S. your awesome at writing (i know i said that already)
P.P.S crunchy sounds are nasty
[…] was over reading at Licensed to Blog and was reminded of a couple several spider […]
okay youve got a plethora of comments, but I had to comment because i sit here at work ( a public library) laughing out loud, and then making a very skewed face, and then recounting my horrid experience with a wolfie myself!
To make a long story short, it was in my boot, I drearily pulled the boot on in the wee hours of the morning on a snowy day, took got ready, got the kids ready, drove them to school…drove home, unzipped my shoe to find the lovely creature looming at me from my ankle, yeah I freaked, threw the shoe nearly hitting my son, stripped the pants off and ran into my bedroom half naked…lol, my son was like what???? Finally picked the shoe up a couple days later to find the thing shriveled up inside, I think I scared it more!
Thanks for the gross story!
Jaime
We are always over run by Wolf Spiders and finally decided to go online and check them out and came across your blog. I have always had a fear of spiders and wasps and unfortunatly am surrounded by people who do not get this fear. I love the story and am going to e-mail it to everyone I know………
[…] acquainting myself with a latrine for the first time in my life and sharing my living quarters with wolf spiders, deer flies, mosquitos, bats, ants and the occasional […]
If you need a support group for men icked out by spiders but shamed into “taking care” of them… I’m in.
Jumping spiders.
Squicky
But great read. 🙂
Yesterday I just about had a stroke as there was a spider… in my SHOWER!!! I wouldn’t touch the thing so I decided to throw water on it until it died a miserable death and was finally able to squish it with TP and dump in the toilet for a flushing burial.
EEK! I can so relate to this!! Hilarious story!!
We have come across brown recluses on several occasions in our house! 😯
I’m going to have nightmares now, I can feel it! 😥
oh come on! If you’re going to live in Oklahoma, you’re gonna see some wierd things. I live in the North Eastern side of OK, and Wolf Spiders are in about every corner of my house. I could really care less because they rarely bite, and the bites are rarely serious. I even “play” with them when I get bored. Take note that I’m only 14. Wolf spiders do jump on occasion. Out in the fields, you’ll usually see them jumping around.
Also, when I read what you said about the guy being mentally ill and you being a psychologist, I lol’ed. Picking up a spider doesn’t make you mentally ill, and maybe you were “just saying” it, but the only spiders, in Oklahoma, to actually worry about to the point of being paranoid and checking every piece of clothes would be Black Widows, Tarantulas, and the Brown Recluse. I really do hope that you get over your fear of spiders, being a psychologist, and maybe one day hold a spider in your hand. lol
I am a private pilot…single engine land…2-4 seats…and not ONCE during 14 years did I ever see a spider in our planes. God is SO GOOD! I would not have died because of a faulty plane…it would have been wreckage brought on by FRIGHT! I often wondered just HOW the NTSB would come up with a cause! LOL
I once saw a spider on the antenna of my car, parked in the garage. I could not go to sleep knowing it was there. So what did I do? I gingerly drove out around my small town
(Pop. 552), at about 50 mph. trying to BLOW him off! That didn’t work, so I drove out to the State route at 70-75 mph and stopped at the railroad tracks to check again….Nooo…still there. So I picked up HANDFULS of pea gravel and flung it across my engine’s hood…til I knocked it off. Then slowly drove home, re-parked in my garage…and went to bed…mission accomplished.
Another time, I had to get up at 3:30 am and drive to a dealership to trade cars. I was expecting to arrive 4 hours later, timed with their opening. I drove throughout the early morning and ALL I HAD TO DO, was wait for the oncoming car to clear, turn left into the dealership, and I’d drive home in my new Mustang ragtop! However, while waiting for this car…I spot movement at the top of my windscreen…ON THE INSIDE… a small spider was slowly making its way toward my driver-side door! By the time the car cleared, I was completely slumped in the driver’s seat, turning the steering wheel FROM THE BOTTOM, with my thumb and index fingers! The car was IDLING across the road, up the drive because I was afraid to reach my foot to the accelerator! Once in front of the store, I JAMMED the car in Park, opened the door, and EJECTED myself flat on my butt! I quickly got to my feet and with as much dignity as I could muster, walked in, and gave them the keys!
That is the best reply I have ever read. You are hilarious. Thank you so much for the laughs. I truly needed them today.
Heather
i have trained my son to viciously kill spiders. due to my complete fear of them. my poor husband says he can tell the size by my scream. to Larry… with you there on the car driving with spider, i ended up calling home in tears because of one blowing onto me from the dashboard ac vent, telling my husband i was going to wreck the car and die…. got home but, lost it somewhere in the car. i refused to drive it until the beast was found and killed!
Wolf spiders are not really dangerous. I live in a very rural part of NJ. Spiders were a regular in my home growing up and still are. I actually feed them. People tend to have this fear of spiders, but I dont know why. I work in a prison and found that humans are way more harmful than spiders smaller than our hands. In South Jersey the only spiders to worry about are Black Widows and Brown Recluse. Sleep Tight!
My story does not include the inside of a house, though I could give you a few of those as well. My best spider story involves rollerblading and the Riverside Trail in Tulsa. My girlfriend and I were rolling along, enjoying the cooler air moving over us after suffering through an Oklahoma summer day. As the last of the daylight slipped away and the streetlights came on, I started to noticed strange sounds coming from my skate. I thought that I might be losing a bearing or something but that didn’t quite fit the sound. And since the skate seemed to be working well enough, I kept going. The sounds increased in frequency as we went. I pulled to a stop under a streetlight to check my skate and, once I had stopped moving in relation to the ground, noticed that the ground was moving of its own accord…..
The noises that I was hearing was the sound of scorpions and wolf spiders being crushed under my wheels.
OMG! I found this blog in an attempt to learn more about Wolf Spiders after trapping one in my home a few hours ago.
You may be thinking I am brave for doing so, don’t! Up until this year I was so paralyzingly afraid of any type of spider (even a daddy long legs) that I would end up with a hive induced panic attack that usually ended up in vomiting. My hubby, who is the sweetest hubby ever, and completely indulgent of my fear for the first 10 years of our relationship, finally reached his breaking point. Last year (see next paragraph) he finally said to kill them myself. Yeah right! So I taught our 7 yr old son to do it. 🙂
Before I continue any further into tonight’s incident, I need to explain that as my New Years’ Resolution this year I decided to face my fear and not let it control me anymore. I have been doing good, baby steps, and have even killed a few, not just put a glass over them for my hubby to dispose of later. This was the compromise we had reached last year after waking him up at 3am to kill a small (but still scary looking) spider. I am nocturnal, and he is an early bird, so this was a problem for him. Not to mention that he gets up at dawn, right around when I go to bed, for work, but that is another story!
Well tonight, while everyone was asleep, our 100lb Rottie (Bear) started dancing around something in the dining room, about 15 feet from where I was on the couch. I got up, figuring it was some sort of bug, only to jump back in terror at what immediately looked like a tarantula!
In a valiant effort to stick to my resolution, I told myself it is just a harmless wood spider, I thought I remembered my hubby saying something about them being brown, big and hairy. So I trapped the thing under a glass. Then I saw that it was injured, apparently Bear had ripped off a leg while nosing it around. So feeling especially brave, and VERY queasy, I transferred it to a clear Tupperware container with a lid so I could get a better look at it. My reasoning was this would be a great way to safely face my fear. So I did it, shaking violently from head to toe, then promptly threw up. But hey, the beast was contained.
After calming down and forcing myself to really look at it, I googled “brown spider” and found it very quickly. When I opened the web page from the image I found out it was not a wood spider, but a WOLF spider. It was described as “while highly venomous, it is not overly aggressive and will generally not attach a human unless repeatedly provoked. If bitten, seek immediate medical attention, call 911, do NOT wait or self-transport”. I almost fainted then and there thinking back to how close I had been to the thing, how much provocation my 100lb dog rolling it around with his nose must have been, plus trapping it then transferring it to a Tupperware container. Eeeeek!
So to wrap up this story, it is still in the Tupperware which is now sealed all the way around with duct tape, after putting it in a second sealed Tupperware container. I then put in an emergency call to a local pest control company who will be here in a few hours. I am now taking comfort in your blog and in the knowledge that I am not alone 🙂
@Larry – I can COMPLETELY feel your pain! Mustangs must be spider magnets. I had an 06 Mustang Convertible right off the lot, only a few weeks old. Well one night I left the top down and parked it outside, insane I know, but we lived in a really safe neighborhood. I soon learned the next morning just exactly WHY that was an insane move.
I was driving down the 880 (SF Bay Area, Ca – AKA BIG, always populated freeway) with the top down, when i saw a spider come dangling down a web from the folded down sun visor. I don’t mean one of those tiny wispy things that are commonly found in cars, this was a BIG yellow spider with a BIG round belly like a Black Widow. I later learned it was a Yellow Sac Spider (see link below) – huge, at least 1.5 inches, dangling right before my eyes. I pride myself for not feinting right then and there. I did however swerve onto the shoulder (thankfully I was already in the fast lane), threw myself from the car (still running but in park, left the door open) and went running down the freeway like it was going to explode. A Good Samaritan saw me and pulled over right after to help. For at least a minute, I couldn’t breathe, much less speak so he called 911. When I finally recovered and explained what happened, he laughed, cancelled 911 and searched the car for the spider. He couldn’t find it. Well since I didn’t know if it was hiding, just biding its time until it had another shot at me, I refused to get back in the car. At this point I could care less if I ever drove the thing again, didn’t care if it was my brand new beauty that I had so desperately wanted.
What was the outcome you may ask? I called AAA and had it towed to the nearest detail shop where it was detailed from top to bottom, including removal of the dash, door panels, carpet and seats (while I watched) just to be sure. I can only thank God that my kids were not in the car with me that day in the off chance that I had gotten into an accident.
It is an astounding thing how much control fear can play in our lives. Then again, it generally leads to some very funny stories after! 🙂
Yellow Sac Spiders:
http://lancaster.unl.edu/pest/resources/SacSpiders.shtml
Last post I promise! 🙂
A word on vacuuming spiders, this does not always work, though this IS how I tackle a majority of them these days if they are not somewhere that I can put a glass over them.
About a year ago, my (then 2 yr old) said “mommy spider!” and pointed above my head. There was a small but scary black spider dangling on a web, coming down from the curtain rod above the couch where I was sitting. It was a few feet above my head when I saw it. I screamed bloody murder. Since it was the middle of the day and my hubby was at work, I had to do something, my car was coincidentally at the shop so I was stuck at home. Plus I didn’t want the thing loose in the house to potentially crawl on me in my sleep.
I decided to go for the extender wand on my Dyson as I had done in an emergency in the past. Since I had gotten up and screamed, the spider had shimmied back up the web and was sitting on the top of the curtain rod. When I turned on the vacuum and started to reach the wand up to get it, it lurched to the side about 10 inches, still on the bar, in a movement that I would have described as jumping, but told myself that it wasn’t possible. Mind you I know very little about spiders since I hate the creepy things and even looking them up online gives me the heebie-jeebies! So I shook my head, telling myself that I had imagined it, and tried again. Again it lurched back the other way about 10 inches, but this time towards the wall, on the backside of the rod and almost out of sight.
I stood there for a minute debating what to do. By this time both kids and our dogs were all riled up excitedly. I knew I had to finish it. So I gently shook the curtain with the vacuum wand up near the wand trying to nudge it back to the front where I could get it. Let me tell you, this spider had a brain, could think logically, and was SMART! It was the weirdest thing I have ever seen. If I wasn’t so disgustedly scared, I would have thought it was cool. We “danced” for the better part of 30 minutes before I gave up in defeat. I had even tried knocking the thing off to the floor with a broom handle to get a better shot at it, after clearing the room out of course. It jumped OVER the broom and remained perfectly balanced on the curtain rod.
So in defeated resignation, I sat stiffly in a folding chair for the next 40 minutes watching it from across the room until my hubby got home from work. Like I said before, I wasn’t going to let this smart little beast loose in my house. I was now convinced he would be out for my blood after our little encounter. My hubby who is gigantic in his 6’1″ frame in comparison to my vertically challenged 5’3″, was able to quickly knock it off the rod and then promptly stepped on it to squish it into our living room carpet. I couldn’t decide which was worse, the thought of squished spider in the carpet or the fact that it had been coming down its web towards my head and was obviously a very smart spider to have eluded me for so long. At least that’s what I tell myself to offer some semblance of comfort.
After writing these stories together, I just noticed spiders seem to like sneak up on my by dropping down a web towards my head! Sheesh!
Have a great, hopefully spider-free day all!
Here’s a link to a video of an encounter my friend and I had with one of these horrible things.
http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/video/video.php?v=1179776491830
It’s funny after the fact, but in the heat of the moment, not so much…
Holy cow!! Bless your heart! I just had an experience with one of those monsters and i am flipping out! I am at work and my boyfriend tells me not to move.. So here i am screaming what is it? what is it? thinking there was something on me lol he then points and there is a wolf spider on the wall beside the fridge…. So i get as close as i can get while not making myself uncomfortable, and snap a pic of it with my camera because NO ONE wouldve believed me how HUGE this thing was.. So he goes at it with a broom handle while im hiding in the other room because i seriously wouldve lost it if i wouldve heard the crunch.. and he misses…………………………. it jumps off the wall and now is no where to be found….. and i am FREAKING OUT!!! now i know how big it is and i know its still alive and i know that its in here with me…….. GREAT!!!
my teacher has a pet wolf spider.eeeeeekkkkkkkkk!have to see it everyday!
I absolutely LOVED THIS!!!!!! thanks fro the laugh.
i happened apon this post while researching to figure out what kind of spiders iv been squishing all around my new(very old) house. you made me laugh. only because i know exactly how u felt! i got trapped in a stand up shower once because there was a spider hanging infront of the door. i screamed forever befor my husband came an saved me. he swears i climbed the other wall when he yanked the door open an the blasted thing swong towards me he says it was only a tiny one but it looked to me like it could have bitten my leg off. as for snakes an mice… he screams like a lil girl!!!! i dont mind them as much as long as they dont touch me. i know im a full grown woman but the smallest spider can make me cry:(
What is wrong with people. It’s just a spider, and one that big would have made a very awesome and interesting pet. There are only three, possibly four dangerous spiders on this continent, out of about 5000 and even the dangers of spiders like black widows and brown recluses are overblown. Many people bitten by a brown recluse don’t even know it, there’s only a 1 in 15 chance that the bite will progress to necrosis. The mortality rate for a healthy adult bitten by a black widow is 6%. You could have just cupped that spider in two hands and put it in a container and had an awesome pet that you could feed with bugs you found outside.
[…] out this couple’s story of their first supposed wolf encounter – click here. LD_AddCustomAttr("AdOpt", "1"); LD_AddCustomAttr("Origin", "other"); […]
hehehe. i love spiders and have kept a wolf spider, a tarantula, several “daring”jumping spider, and even a few black widows as pets. The thing about spiders is they will not harm us unless they feel threatened. If u don’t want spiders in your house then live in a bubble. There will always be spiders in houses(just because you don’t see the doesn’t meen they are not there). The best way to control spider in a house is to get a cat, if you can see them the cat will see them and it will be snack time for the cat.
Ok. Id say good job. And I will. I’m not a spider fan. But since throughout the whole house. There always in my room. But now I’m a little bit frighten. Cus there’s seven. That’s right. Seven. Wolfspiders in my room. Killed three. Now I can’t go in there for the fear of getting bit. But after reading that they jump. Got more scared. Then that they feel like bees. Not so much. Also that there not so much poisons. I don’t mind. Well that’s my story.
Haha, hilariously written. I came across your blog searching for how wolf spiders can jump.
Great story, read this to my kids and we chuckled out loud! My mother came across one of these monsters in her cottage! Thanks for the Laugh!
great story, i ran across it searching for if wolf spiders jump. i laughed hysterically reading it to my father. funny, funny story. i liked when you mentioned that your wife used the i’ll call dad card and then when you said, after you saw the spider, maybe we should call your dad. hilarious!!
Hillarious! Love it! We have found a few wolf spiders in our house and I feel your pain!
It was funny…
I loved the way the story was written it has lots of humor and i found myself picturing u while reading ur story. Ur a good writer though ur scared of spiders… Lol i wana read more stories of u in the future… Maybe bout another Spider encounter again.
I can relate to this guy and have a similar story to share. I live in West Virginia and was raised on a farm, so I’m not a woman who shrieks and runs at the sight of insects, reptiles, etc. I’ve seen more than my share of wolf spiders, but not one the size that I’m about to describe, encountered back in the early 1980’s. My husband and I had just bought and moved into a house that we later discovered was infested with roaches because of water seeping into the basement through a crack in the concrete wall. Anyway, on the first night in our new home, I got up to go to the bathroom. When I opened the bedroom door and flipped on the hall light, I looked down and stopped dead in my tracks. Between me and the bathroom was a wolf spider the size of an adolescent Tarantula! Legs and all, it would have easily covered the palm of my hand! To make matters worse, it was facing me and had assumed a defensive posture. In other words, it was reared back on its hind legs and its front legs were pawing the air! I’m fairly certain that it would have jumped on me, had I taken another step toward it. Slowly, I backed into the bedroom to retrieve one of my husband’s work boots, to kill it with. When I returned a few moments later, the spider was gone! It must have seen the look of “The Terminator” in my eyes, or sensed death in the camp! Needless to say, I slept with one eye open that night and thereafter. Due to the roach infestation, the spider was well-fed!
Came across this while trying to find out if spiders could really do what one did today – to me. In my daughters driveway I saw a good size spider running, (we had been doing yard work). I was going to step on it when it jumped, it was not one of those little jumpy spiders that’s hops around on the window screens, and then I swear to God it starting chasing me. I was trying to step on it and it would jump again and I was screaming and after a minute (or 15 secs.?) I took off my shoe so I would have a better reach….screaming of course I finally got it. Daughter is like Mom, MOM, you’re scaring the baby. So when I saw your blog I thought ok maybe this really HAS happened to someone else. Swear to God it was chasing me. Probably going to have nightmares tonite.
Thanks for sharing your info. I truly appreciate your efforts and I will be waiting for your next write ups
thanks once again.
LMAO!! Thank you so much for your much needed humorous story. I’m actually in the middle of a panicked Google search about wolf spiders to try and find out how something this HUGE can not only enter my house but plant itself on my bedroom wall, right.next.to.my.side.of.the.bed. I swear, to all that is holy, it had a shadow. We too bought a brand new home, a spec home, so it was vacant for a few weeks. We’re nearing the end of our 3rd month here and still lots and lots of spiders. So not cool and am desperately hoping for a reprieve soon. Maybe when winter comes?? I hope….
THERE IS ONE IN MY BEEMER…..currently, right now…at this very moment. I’ll take it to the grave on this one that its the leader of them all. I mean Tony Soprano style, he just was perched at the top of my window last night (passengers) and yes I had it rolled down which of course I never ever do since I live in Arizona. however, these sons a bitches seek revenge and the sucker came at me…….he lunged with his creepy stupid and intimidating undermining lame figure, all gracefully fly and land on my shoulder.
If I had any number 2 to be doing in the loo…(fear not, I didn’t)…..I would have said my last words before having a heart attack and mournfully funny funeral with shit pants. yeah a rain-dance and profanity monsoon came down after that part.
I don’t flinch to scorpions, but I fully understand those of you poor individuals who create illness in yourselves over the fear and the lack of not knowing where these things are setting up camp in your private spaces. I feel like that right now, he took my BMW….I willingly gave it to him.
My daughters’ 3rd birthday is in 4 days, no rest for the wicked..so instead I sit here. So ridiculously terrified yet pissed that I don’t have the option to talk and reason with him, about why the fuck he couldn’t go to the perfectly good car next to mine. I cant search for him……I am 85% sure I will die. IT LUNGED AT ME, I want to go punch the shit out of it for just randomly dictating my car was the chosen one, what the hell this is rubbish. I do not know how some of these other people still drove with highly poisonous spiders in their vehicles, driving full speed merging onto the on ramp……Ill leave that German beauty to perish for F sake, hell no. I will not share my shit with that little prick with practically came at me like it was UFC ……..not afraid of bites……..the size, the urgency of motion and disturbingly quick and agile movements wolf spiders make is what will kill me in my car…….if I go out there right now.
HELP! SOS…..FU^$%@%#$^. I was nearly eaten by a shark at 9 yrs old (well, if I hadn’t been pulled out of the water at such perfect timing….even a second later than I was, I would of first hand experienced the realms of the food chain…..18 ft in length shadow of death and my idiotic seal like appearance. Anyway, I’mmmmm pretty close up there with fear right now I’d say…. OK an 8 actually, shark was a numbers do not exist point in time.
P.S…..i have wasp nest that just took my last awesomely strong can of bug killer……I do havehighly potent Beeswax Co peppermint foot creme that is like scooping pure crisco into ones hand? haha
Honestly, this is such a minimizing, pathetically degrading and manipulative feeling. I hate you spider.
At least yours was in the closet. I woke up Christmas morning and as I walked in to the kitchen I felt a tickle on the back of my neck. My first thought was that I had fallen asleep on some wrapping paper. When I brushed my neck all of a sudden a giant wolf spider fell on the floor in front of me. Shocked I backed up and stomped my foot. To my surprise this little sucker charged me. I backed up 15 feet, stomping my feet, knocking things off shelves in front of it. The whole time it was running at me raising its front to show its fangs every time something would hit the floor in front of it. Finally after backing myself in to a corner I located a shoe within reach and squashed it. Craziest thing I’ve ever seen. Usually a stopmp of a foot is enough to send them running the other way, never had one go all Arachnophobia on me and try to chase me down.
This is freaky and hilarious! Thank you for sharing! We have a client that ran into a wolf spider in the her kid’s playroom and she ended up asking the neighbor to come and get rid of it.