1. About half the time I’m putting shoes on, I wonder if there is a spider hiding inside.
2. In elementary school (at a Catholic School), I remember a time during a school church service when a hymn was played that included the words “O Bloody Head Surrounded” and I happened to look at one of my friends. I was not trying to be sacrilegious, but the line just struck us as odd and funny. We spent at least the next 10 minutes trying desperately not to laugh out loud and get punished. I remember acting like I was coughing, sneezing, etc and even shoving most of my fist in my mouth and biting down almost to the point of bleeding in order to try to stop laughing.
3. Also in elementary school, I was tired of a kid that kept copying off of me during tests. I saw him doing it again so I purposely put the wrong answers down. With a couple of minutes to go, I changed my answers while basically covering up my paper. I remember the panicked look on his face.
4. I think the most beautiful part of a woman’s body is the small of the back.
5. In high school I wrote about a 30 page satire of Star Trek just to poke fun at a friend who loved the show. It was called, “Star Fleck: Ivory Curtains and Iron Plastic, These Are What I Desire.”
6. I have seen the following people/groups in concert (most, but not all in the 80s): Frank Sinatra, Loverboy, Huey Lewis & the News, Dokken, Joan Jett & the Blackhearts, Bryan Adams, Bon Jovi, .38 Special, Kim Mitchell Band, Queensryche, Type O Negative, Reba McEntire, Sara Evans, Jamie O’Neal, Martina McBride, Carolyn Dawn Johnson, Barbara Mandrell (way back with my parents), Night Ranger, Heart, Autograph, Zebra, Weird Al Yankovic, Foreigner, Three Days Grace, Breaking Benjamin, Seether, Neverset, and mini sets by many country stars on two or three trips to the Grand Ole Opry with Allison, including Alison Krauss, Emerson Drive, and Kenny Rogers. (I’m sure I forgot about a couple of opening acts, but I put the ones I could remember).
7. In college, I had a short story accepted to a national conference for college fiction. It was called “Bat Out of Hell” and was about a baseball player who makes a deal with the devil in order to make it to the major leagues.
8. In kindergarten, I flunked “scissors” on a report card. This was one of my mom’s favorite facts about me. I still can’t cut out a circle to save my life. However, if you need a sloppy blob cut out of construction paper, I’m your man.
9. I walked in on a suicide attempt by a patient at a state hospital while doing “15 minute checks” when I worked 3rd shift there. The guy had very tightly tied a boot lace around his neck and was starting to turn blue. I worked my finger between his neck and the string while yelling for help. Another worker came with a scissors and cut the string. The guy was okay (at least for the time being; he often ingested dangerous objects).
10. At around age 6, I saved my allowance to buy a new McDonald’s character glass (such as Ronald or Hamburglar) each week. After I completed the collection, the Mayor McCheese one accidentally was broken while two of my nieces (we were all about the same age) were visiting. I was so distraught that they held a “funeral” to help me feel better. Every once in awhile, they still bring up “the funeral for Mayor McCheese.” I’m not sure if McDonaldland had to have an emergency election after the Mayor died, but I’d vote for Grimace.