If they don’t find a solution within a week at Vanderbilt I think you should get into a Peterbilt and head for Mayo Clinic. If they should send you to NYU or anywhere on the East Coast, I’m making my son’s room downstairs available to you! We are less than 10 miles from the ocean and you could hang out there in between visits. I would not make this offer available to my own family members, but your kid is adorable and I know Allison is very neat.

But I hope you get it fixed and don’t have to rent the truck. And please keep updating — you don’t have to be funny or upbeat. Pissing and moaning just makes me feel better about my own life, so it’s really like a public service announcement when people do that — which you never do.