My Kid Saw Me Naked

30 12 2007

Isn’t it great when your child is a baby, and you don’t have to hide or close any doors when you take a shower or change clothes? The baby does not care if you have an extra arm, scars, or even whether you are anatomically correct (just for the record, I am). It’s like the Garden of Eden before the apple biting.

I’ve heard that it’s somewhere around age 2-3 that you are supposed to start being more careful around your child in the “nudity” area. I certainly am not one of those that feels the body au naturale is shameful or dirty (unless you’ve taken a mud bath, but that’s a different story). However, trying to be a good parent, I’ve started being conscious of the situation when taking a shower or changing in our walk-in closet.

A few days ago, I was coming out of the shower clad in a towel and making the trek to the walk-in. Down the hallway, I spied our daughter, who is smack dab in the middle of that 2-3 age range, happily playing on the living room floor with books and toys. Surprisingly, she had not found yet another dangerous object that we thought we had placed in an unreachable place. No, she was actually enjoying items appropriate for her age. She seemed not even to notice me. Therefore, I thought I did not need to worry about closing any doors. After grabbing boxers from a drawer, I proceeded into the closet and picked out something to wear (no doubt something stylish, like jeans and a sweatshirt).

As I let the towel drop, ready to don the boxers, I looked up, and there she stood. (If you’ve ever seen the movie, The Ring where the scary girl could transport herself quickly to a new location, well, it was like that). She was looking directly at me. She was looking DIRECTLY at me (we’re not talking eye contact here; we’re talking her eye level, my midsection level – staring with a sort of contemplative look on her face.) Did I quickly pull on the boxers? Did I turn around to give her a somewhat less offensive view? Did I push the door shut? No, I turned into a deer on a midnight, two-lane highway with an SUV speeding toward it and froze in terror.

The ball (no pun intended) was absolutely in her court now, as it usually seems to be. I could see her thinking. At this point, it’s important for you to know that she likes to watch the Disney t.v. show, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. This is important because they end the show with a silly song that repeatedly uses the words “hot dog.” While my daughter continued to stare at my most private part, she happily burst out into song, singing “hot dog, hot dog” repeatedly. The only thing that would have made it funnier, more embarrassing, worse would have been if she had actually pointed right at me. This, she did not do. At some point, which seemed like a LONG minute to me, she walked back toward the living room, and I was left to finally put on my clothes.

Obviously, I do NOT think she is scarred for life or anything like that. However, I wonder if maybe I am. If that song pops into my head at inopportune times in the future, I’m doomed. I’m going to do my best to keep the hot dog, buns, and beans covered around her in the future.

(Yeah, I went with a humongous large hot dog pic.)

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32 responses

30 12 2007
Michele

I’m glad she wasn’t pointing and giggling. Now that would have been embarrassing! ;)

30 12 2007
Em

I get shy enough about my cat running in when I’m getting dressed (she stares). I don’t know what I’ll do when I have to worry about kids barging in.

30 12 2007
indianamatt

Michele, no giggling. Leave that to my wife.

Em, cats have a way of staring right through you!

30 12 2007
pamajama

At first our daughter was really mad that she didn’t have her own penis, totally jealous. Then she went through a phase where we weren’t even allowed to say the word (ages 7, 8 & 9). After taking her to see the Bodies Exhibit, where she was able to check out numerous peni from front, back & side, including the shriveled testes (these are all dead bodies, if you’ve never heard of it) — she seems more accepting now. I had no idea before we went that almost all the bodies were men. Once I caught her checking one out from the back side, underside of testicles, I knew she’d made a scientific breakthrough!

31 12 2007
Alyson

I will never be able to watch Micky Mouse Clubhouse the same again.

My neice was once caught scotch taping peanuts to the outside of her undies. When her mom asked her why she was doing that she said, “so I can have a pea-nunts, like daddy”.

31 12 2007
allison312

I’m not sure that I can eat a hot dog any time soon with laughing out loud. :D

31 12 2007
Allison

You forget to mention how her voice dropped a few octaves as she marched around the house chanting, “Hot dog, hot dog, hot-diggity dog.”

2 01 2008
Sherri Cornelius

Oh man. That might be the funniest/most horrifying thing I’ve ever heard. lol

Read this ten minutes ago, and what do you think is STILL running through my head?

Oh man.

5 01 2008
Have The T-Shirt

My son was showering with me at the age of about 3 and asked me why my elbows were so ‘bouncy’.

Apparently our anatomy lessons had fallen on deaf ears.

He once asked me if his penis would get as big as my husband’s when he grew up.

“You can only hope so, my dear.”

5 01 2008
jenefur

THAT is funny! My husband has been VERY careful around our 2 1/2 year old daughter. But now that she has a little brother and has seen his ‘peanuts’, I know at some point, she will realize that dad has peanuts too. (and hopefully will never be traumatized like your daughter!) LOL

6 01 2008
mandythompson

EW AGAIN!
LOL

6 01 2008
genesiawilliams

oh that sucks, but was pretty funny… I’m sure she’ll be ok.

Kids are funny on that subject of bodies and body differences. I’m a part-time nanny, and one day the little boy I take care of was twisting and shaking everything in front of me (after a bath) like he was waiting on some kind of approval or something. I told him that that was his personal area and not to be shaking it in front of me and to promptly put some pants on… and he said something to the affect of ‘I like my penis, do you like yours?’…. I had to explain to him briefly without stepping over my boundaries as a nanny and family friend that I don’t have one…

of course he asks why….

I figured out a quick explanation.
but that was funny to me.

15 01 2008
imhelendt

Honestly? I think people worry too much about the naked thing. However, when I was fifteen? I heard my parents having sex. My ears are still bleeding. THAT will eff you up! ;D

25 05 2010
MoMo

@imhelendt….LOL…that is SOOOOO TRUE!!! I will NEVER forget the day I heard and saw my mom in the act after I accidentally barged into the room thinking NO ONE WAS HOME!!! It was the SHOCK OF MY LIFE/EYES at the time! Actually thought it was pretty gross!

8 04 2008
Right Place, Wrong Girl « That’s What She Blogged

[...] his blog) know he has the gift of wit.  I urge those who aren’t yet acquainted to click here at once for a sample.  Matt has a snappy comeback for every possible scenario- the more awkward [...]

9 04 2008
Chris

HA! With two boys in the tub most nights, we have no shortage of penis jokes. Thank the Lord we don’t have to content with a girl with all this going on.

I dunno though, coulda been worse:

“…that’s the kind of weiner I would like to be…”

27 05 2008
Rod E. Smith, MSMFT

great post —– Rod Smith

10 06 2008
Tim

I just stumbled on this, and (after I finished cleaning up the coffee I just spewed from laughing) was reminded of when my older son was small enough that I would bathe him by holding him in the shower as I showered. My wife would hand me a filthy child, and moments later, I would hand her back a sparkling, dirt-free toddler.

One day, after his quick shower, he looked at my wife and said, “Momma… Daddy’s got one, and I’ve got one. What do you have?”

I wrapped a towel around myself, said “I’ve done my part, I think you can take it from here,” and I quickly exited the bathroom. :D

It certainly wasn’t the last “sex talk” that we had with the boys, but it introduced my wife to the joy of boys. – Tim

15 06 2008
jesseybean

That is great!
We have 4 boys here and one girl, so there is just no shame when it comes to the penis jokes.

9 11 2011
Anonymous

Hey waitbto u see my penis there won’t be a jokebto be said

11 07 2008
someone

imhelendt

same thing happend to me scareeeed for life :| but when i was 13

15 07 2008
alntv

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I saw this happen in an epsiode of “Chuck” a couple of years ago. They had a strategically placed cup or something in front of the dad. Apparently there were no cups anywhere near where you were. LOL

Great story! And the hot dog picture is very funny…but let’s not get carried away.

22 08 2008
iamheatherjo

I read this last night and I was still cracking up about it this morning.

Not to worry you or anything, but I was very little when I caught my dad in the bathtub. Unfortunately, I still remember! MY EYES!! MY EYES!!!

4 09 2008
iambobdylan

I saw my step dad naked when i was 14 years old … he tryed to grab me and make me play with his penis but i screamed and my mom came running… hes now in jail and my mom is a drunk and depressed :( sometimes i wish i didnt scream

22 03 2009
Elle

Ha, that’s funny.
Same thing happened to me today, except I’m 13, and I saw my dad’s privates.
*eye twitch*
It was disturbing…

22 03 2009
pamajama

Oh my . . . did your blog suddenly get confused with “Post Secret”? The last two comments on this entry are like something out of a social worker’s notebook. Yikes.

26 12 2009
Tarah Benner

HAHAHA! I always wondered about that…it’s kind of like peeing in front of your cat and feeling like “oh…this is awkward.” The fact that she is old enough to both talk and make the hot dog/penis connection makes it even more awkward. Maybe I shouldn’t have kids…

25 05 2010
MoMo

I really enjoyed reading this! It helped me to see another man’s perspective of what it’s like for a man to go through this. But I was just curious about what it is like when the daughter is older, as in age 12. I’m new here, so pardon me if I am posting my reply/comment in the wrong place. Just curious! It was quite disturbing to learn that my boyfriend’s daughter was still sleeping with him when I had first met him. She was 10 at the time. Initially, he said it was her and that her who insisted on sleeping with him because that use to be ‘mommy & daddy’s bed’. We really had to break that habit quickly, as I did not believe it was appropriate. Especially if the father is a heavy boozer (but not anymore). All is well in that department, but the one then that really irks me, is when I recently walked past the bathroom to go wake up his daughter for school. She was already away and in the bathroom brushing her teeth while her father was standing there naked drying himself off. It was just a little bit disturbing. I don’t know why…but it just was and I told them that I never wanted to see that again. I feel bad, but am not sure why. Any takes?

29 01 2012
Charissa

Oh shittttt.

15 03 2013
nobody

I cant believe MoMo would be jelous of some dude’s 12 year old daughter! Wow! Get a life! Paranoid much? I guess thats what overhyped media does to you

12 10 2013
Anonymous

@Nobody – it is not a matter of being ‘jealous’, but rather having enough common sense, responsibility, and respect for boundaries around an innocent child who is vulnerable, defenseless, and obviously too young to have their say about what is being exposed to them. If you can’t digest that – then I suggest you get a life!

6 10 2013
The Child that paid the price!

but momo would feel bad if it were a 12 year old boy and his mother naked right? but because its an innocent 12 year old little girl and her daddy…big woop! Maybe its called a family thing. Alot of my relatives were naked infront of me growing up….there was no sexual anything.

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